Well it looks like people are digging watching me rip a storyboard to shreds before their very eyes.
I mean, can you blame them?
We’ve been following Aidan Casserly along his little journey of creating a storyboard for his portfolio. He purchased one of my fabulous Mini Critiques and is letting us all take a peek.
You can find the introduction post here and his brainstorming and thumbnailing process here.
Then It Got Really Juicy
If you look back at the previous post, you will find his original storyboards and my critique of the first half of them. All in their red-scribbled glory.
I now bring you the conclusion of said critique in more red-scribbled glory.
(Click on the images to enlarge and get a better look.)
PAGE 5
- Panel one, have him walk IN and let’s see him holding the bag.
- Don’t rely only on words for gags. This could (if a real cartoon) be seen in other languages, so use visuals to support it where you can. So adding an ‘eye’ graphic on the screen will help drive home the message here.
- Third panel. A bit more acting here would be good. How does he feel about this? Was he expecting this? Annoyed? Confident? Have some fun here with another panel or two.
- Fourth panel, have the jar come IN to shot and the screen still with eye/required message. THEN screen changes to approved (give it the before and after poses). But we can’t SEE “approved” on that tiny screen. Consider changing this to a big check-mark (that could be green in a finished film).
- Panel six, same thing. Maybe add a hand graphic. But hook it up by starting with the check mark, then it changes to this next request.
